Can a Friend Marry You? Facts & Celebrant Rules

DATE

07.26

Originally published
01.24

I'd really like a friend to marry me - is it possible?

“This is a common question celebrants are asked. It’s good to ask and wonder about things, and here’s the lowdown from my perspective, the possibilities, the limitations, and the “good to knows.”

So – can a friend marry me – the short answer?

No. (That’s very short, isn’t it?)
At least, not in Australia.
In Australia, you can only be legally wed by an authorized civil celebrant or a minister of religion.
So, unless you are getting married in a church, you will need to book a celebrant.

So – can a friend marry me – what’s the longer answer then?

There are a few options or workarounds to this – but it doesn’t change the fact that you need to book a celebrant.

1. You may have a friend (or a relative) who is also a celebrant. Nothing in Australian law prohibits this friend or relative from marrying you. An easy tick!

2. You may have a friend who is willing to train to be a celebrant. However, the course and registration process can take 12 – 18 months, the person must be of “good standing” in the community and approved by the Commonwealth of Australia, and the cost of the Certificate IV training is probably greater than the cost of a celebrant. A not so easy tick.

3. The Co-Pilot solution. You can book a celebrant to work with a friend and deliver the ceremony together. The celebrant must complete all the legal parts, and your friend can do the rest. A workable tick.

The “Good to Knows” about friends becoming celebrants and co-piloting weddings

The Friend Who’s Agreed to Train As A Celebrant

It's a lovely idea to be married by someone you know well. I get it. But it's important to heep in mind that this is a big commitment for this person – and juggling all the study and practical requirements (yes, there are practical assessments of conducting ceremonies, etc.) on top of a day job may be challenging. Its a Certificate IV course, and can take 12 months to complete. Once completed your friend will need to apply for registration with the commonwealth government, and this will take a minimum of 3 months. This means you run the the risk that your friend won't be qualified in time for your wedding date. This can be stressful in itself and may cause unnecessary relationship tensions

The second thing to consider is that it is likely that your ceremony will be your friend’s first wedding. The risks with this are fairly obvious – it’s not likely to be their best work, and there may be issues or unexpected stressors with the legalities. Something for you to weigh up in your choices.

Lastly - a if you look for a good celebrant (that you don't know) that will take the time to get to know you - you will find that this experienced person will not only be able to personalise a ceremony that is truly reflective of you as a couple, but also provide guidance along the way about wedding planning decisions, and bring a sense of calm to the ceremony. So pros and cons here.

The Co-Pilot Solution

This is where you engage celebrant, but ask to have a friend to be the up front person for some or most of the ceremony. Often, people like this idea for a couple of reasons. One – they’d love to have someone who is special to them marrying them, and secondly - its reassuring that they have some one experienced supporting them, and thirdly - its thought to be a cheaper option. The first is a lovely thought, but the second has implications you should know.

Firstly – it’s not necessarily cheaper. This is because the majority of the fee you pay a celebrant is not for the time spent “doing things” in a ceremony. You’re paying for their expertise in the planning and preparation in the lead-up to the wedding, and of course, the processing of the legalities. A co-pilot will need support and advice in how to create a ceremony, and the components within it, how to deliver it, etc. Think of the celebrant as needing to be a mentor. (And the end quality of the ceremony is a reflection on their business too). It’s often as much work (if not more) for the celebrant as there is one more person to communicate and collaborate with. Plus, on the day – whether they are speaking or not, they still need to devote exactly the same amount of time to being there.

It can be difficult to find a celebrant willing to Co-Pilot – for two reasons:

1. As mentioned above – if you are wanting a cheaper price – it’s usually not worth it for the celebrant – as the workload is almost identical.

2. And if you do find a celebrant offering this option at a reduced rate, most will not want to do so on a Saturday in peak wedding season, as they are foregoing a full paying wedding – so be prepared to do this in quieter months or on a different day.

Summary

So, a friend can train to be your celebrant, but you'll need at least 18months lead time to make this happen, and someone who is prepared to do a Certificate IV course. A friend who isn’t trained as a celebrant can’t marry you, but they can participate in your ceremony alongside a celebrant, but expect to still pay full costs for your celebrant.
And there you have it – the long and short of having a friend marry you, and some things to think about in terms of options.

If you have any questions, I’m always happy to hear from you.

Celebrant, MC, Author and architect of unforgettable weddings

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